I’ve spent much of the year starting to learn what “remaining” looks like. It’s hard, but letting go doesn’t get easier just because you open your hands. You still have to adjust to the weightlessness of that feeling because you thought the vice grip was what made you strong. I think men have been conditioned to say what they want but not how they feel, so they look outward “how are you?” versus inward “how am I?” They seek connection but are unmotivated with the early stages of establishing familiarity within themselves and their emotions. Which later can conform to the pressure of self-hatred or doubt about caring for themselves, something I struggled with in the past. In a focus group conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health, “men described their own symptoms of depression without realizing they were depressed.” They made no connection between their mental health and physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive problems and chronic pain. Women on the other hand were very attuned to what they were experiencing but were not vocal about it. Too often, people depend on techniques to fix who they are with good intentions. However habits and rituals give you the skills to enhance who you are, but the process of discovering yourself is much more chaotic. Life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you are not most free. Wherever there is an external response to external stimulus, it demonstrates to us we are not ok with that situation or event. 

I’ve spent much of the year starting to learn what “remaining” looks like. It’s hard, but letting go doesn’t get easier just because you open your hands. You still have to adjust to the weightlessness of that feeling because you thought the vice grip was what made you strong. I think men have been conditioned to say what they want but not how they feel, so they look outward “how are you?” versus inward “how am I?” They seek connection but are unmotivated with the early stages of establishing familiarity within themselves and their emotions. Which later can conform to the pressure of self-hatred or doubt about caring for themselves, something I struggled with in the past. In a focus group conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health, “men described their own symptoms of depression without realizing they were depressed.” They made no connection between their mental health and physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive problems and chronic pain. Women on the other hand were very attuned to what they were experiencing but were not vocal about it. Too often, people depend on techniques to fix who they are with good intentions. However habits and rituals give you the skills to enhance who you are, but the process of discovering yourself is much more chaotic. Life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you are not most free. Wherever there is an external response to external stimulus, it demonstrates to us we are not ok with that situation or event.